Real cougar women causing tension in the ranks

Money and sex are the two things responsible for driving a toxic rift in most relationships. Here’s something I could never understand. How does a woman, who has been conditioned all her life to believe that the man is the main breadwinner in the family, change course and take on a new role? A role that requires her to take home most of the bacon.

Like any great social change, “El Complejo Miranda” does not take place without victims. Do you remember Miranda in Sex and the City? She was the lawyer dating the bartender, whose income and social skills weren’t on a par with hers. Today, many women are discovering first-hand that the relationship between a successful woman and a man with a lower income is very complicated. It brings many different problems that, over time, could end up hurting both partners and breaking relationships.

Today, two-thirds of women over 40 earn more than their men, so it’s not hard to understand why so much trouble is brewing in paradise.

“The woman who makes more money than the man creates a problem,” says psychiatrist and relationship expert Dr. Gail Saltz. Just as women have been conditioned to care for them, men see themselves as providers. When that role is taken away from them, their male psyche is severely bruised.

“Our respect for our partner is based on whether they are meeting their gender expectations,” says Professor Janet Reibstein, psychologist and author of The Best Kept Secret: Lasting Love Stories of Men and Women. “Women with higher incomes struggle to respect their underpaid men because social prejudice says that a man should stay with his wife.

“Women want to be in charge of their lives and careers, but they also have a mixed need to know that their man will take care of them if necessary.” When that doesn’t happen, a woman’s sense of femininity and a man’s sense of masculinity are often threatened. “

Whether they admit it or not, women will be upset when their man spends their hard-earned money on “men’s toys” that they couldn’t afford without their financial help. Do the most successful men secretly resent when their women spend their hard-earned money? I do not know. Maybe they will, but don’t say anything because it’s always been their job to be the provider.

When low-income men are looked down upon and high-income women resent, there is another part of the relationship that goes downhill very fast. Your sex life. It is quite common for high-income women to refuse sex when they are not getting what they feel they are entitled to. It doesn’t take long for her to figure out the “gold standard” way of doing business.

A 2006 study from the University of Virginia, questioning 5,000 women, found that they were happiest when their husbands contributed 68 percent or more of the household income. “Married women have happier marriages when their husband is a good provider,” says study co-author Professor Steven Nock.

Until both genders learn to disconnect the wiring that defines gender roles, it will be difficult to find the balance that gives both people what they really want.