Parenting Angry Children – 7 Easy Ways To Transform From Reactive Parents To Respectful Parents

Children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), bipolar, autism, Asperger’s syndrome, and PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified), can sometimes be difficult to manage. If your child has one of these conditions, she may try to push her buttons so she loses control and he wins. The only way out of this impasse is to develop some winning tactics of your own.

Adopt these winning tactics that calm your child and elevate your parenting style:

1. Refuse to argue. Your child’s first line of defense (and distraction from the real issue at hand) is to start a discussion. Counter his defensive tactic with your calm logic.

For example, if your child doesn’t want to do the dishes, you can say, “I didn’t eat any of that stupid dinner, so I won’t do the stupid dishes.” He may say, “I hear you. The chore chart clearly shows that you did the dinner dishes this week. Please start now.” The more hectic it gets, the calmer and less emotional you become. If you get weak and argue, he wins.

2. Refusing to attend to, coddle, or coddle your child when he is unpleasant. Otherwise, he will think, “I must be the prince and you must be the doormat. Why else would you attend to me when I treat you like a slave?”

Your child’s second line of defense may be to throw a tantrum or act out.

This is a control tactic plain and simple. Your child can control this. Counter his defensive tactic by withdrawing your attention. Calmly remove other children, pets, and breakables from your tantrum area and move to another room. Without attention, he will quickly get bored with his tantrum.

3. Refuse to be emotionally overwhelmed. If you feel overwhelmed, say “I need five minutes to decide what to do with you.” Set a timer for five minutes and let the room settle down. Then, come back in exactly five minutes. That is modeling self-control. (And you win).

4. Refusing to raise your voice. If your child is out of control, try whispering. If he makes you so nervous that you raise your voice, win again.

5. Refuse to beg, bribe, or scold. Otherwise, your child will think that you are weak and he will win. Praise him when you see him being good. And give him a chance to win by improving his behavior.

6. Refuse to hit, spank or threaten. You already know that these methods do not work. His son sees his attempt to use these methods as a weakness (and wins again).

You need to motivate your child to improve his behavior and earn your praise and attention.

You can remotely monitor your child’s behavior with a tab system, also called a behavior chart.

The secret is to find one that is easy to use. Some are too complicated.

7. Refuse to hold grudges or complain about the past. It is impossible to change the past, so it is unfair that you insist on it. If you do, your child is entitled to have a tantrum. (And he wins).

All you have is the present. What you do now builds your and your child’s future, so make it count.

You Can Solve This.

Your calmer, cooler response will be so surprising that your child will admire and respect your patience and strength of character. Then and only then will he trust you enough to learn from you. both win.

I invite you to use these methods to quickly transform yourself from reactive parents to parents who are surprisingly calm, collected, and worthy of attention and respect.