I do not
When we continue to accept behaviors and situations that are not aligned with the path we have chosen for our life, we must ask ourselves why. The mere fact that we do not question it is consenting to allow other people to control our behavior unconsciously.
Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep making excuses for bad behavior or for those who don’t keep their promises or commitments? If we are willing to ask the question, ‘why’ do we advance by leaps and bounds from an illusion that is of no use to us. We move into the presence of reality. Instead of being incapacitated by the unknown, we can move forward on our own planned life journey.
Think of the power of intermittent reinforcement in our emotional lives. This is what gets gamers and addicts hooked. It’s what keeps highly intelligent people in terrible relationships. If it was always bad, you would leave. It’s those intermittent ‘good times’, and the addict’s victories or successes, that keep us hooked and coming back for more. But you see how life turns out in the end for most gamers and addicts. The same goes for the people in our lives who are part of unhealthy relationships. The results are rarely worth the price of the trip. And the intermittent is the best possible; Enough to keep you coming back for more
How much of this intermittent reward keeps us hooked on our deceptions; forces us to return to the denial of the real situation? All of this happens because, for a moment, things were going better or better.
The good news is that when we wake up in the dream we call our life’s journey, we realize that we choose those poisonous situations to intensify our need to embrace higher values, a higher perception of how we need to see ourselves. Sometimes we create life situations that are guaranteed to crash! A head-on collision, so we have no choice but to wake up and alter our course.
How powerful denial and deception can be when we avoid the great mirror! What is it that we are so afraid to confront in ourselves? What is that fear with which we wake up in the morning when we feel that something is missing? What’s that?
Our good friends and colleagues, denial and deception are probably not yet awake and in control of our emotions. They act like a drug on their own. We become addicted to them and their calming and calming effects.
It is a lot like being addicted to a computer game. Your screen, or your vision of life, will reflect dramatic victories that you can even talk about and enjoy; however, when you turn off the computer, the game vanishes into thin air, an illusion. He was always in the virtual world; it will never come forward to accept responsibility for the actions it permeates. These companions are the proverbial ‘Not me’ in your life. You can’t find their miserable asses when it’s time to be responsible for your actions. Like virtual games, only you can see the winnings.
If you are caught playing the victim in your game of life, where are you playing that role? At work, as a parent, in an intimate relationship? It is a curious fact that those who appear strong and courageous at work can walk through your front door and immediately assume the role of a victim of abuse. Publicly they appear as strong and in control people; privately, they are physically or emotionally abused if they get caught up in this pattern. How does that happen?
Humans instinctively seek to survive and, on some level, live out their dreams of life. If you’re caught in a web of cheating and deceit in a relationship, it’s not uncommon for you to shine at your job, or vice versa. This is the soul of the dreamer who seeks some method to express the joy that he originally planned.
We are all born to win; playing victim is another expression of the unhealthy boundaries we have embraced.
It also provides a way to become ‘not me’ when you can excuse the actions you have taken and the decisions you have made by blaming someone else for stealing your options. We are our own bandits and thieves in this scenario.
Behold; the head-on collision delivering the results of your wrong actions and bad choices. If you are going to survive the journey in the journey of a lifetime, something must wake you up so that you can navigate the journey successfully.
Imagine that you have chosen a destination and you get into your car, fasten your seat belt, start the engine, and then proceed to look in the rear view mirror to reach your desired destination. You’re looking for a direction in the mirror that provides the least amount of valuable information, rather than choosing to look through the large expansive windshield in front of you. When you continue with the same methods that got you to your current destination, it provides the same effect as navigating through the rear view mirror.
If you have a sense of dread about something, it is time to honestly examine where the great sense of power that turned into attachment to what you fear most originated. What are you running from? What are you afraid of and why? How can you disarm this opponent? Can you make a different choice, choose a better path? Are you captive because you fear change? A sense of dread forces you to play the role of victim, a powerless position to assume.
What are you most disappointed in your life? Have you identified the real problem that disappoints you so much? Did you participate in the creation of this problem? Are you willing to stop playing that role if you are part of it?
You cannot win this battle until you are able to be honest with yourself about what it is. Then examine how it came to be; Once you have done this, you will be in a position to go into battle and win this one in your life.
We all have an addiction to something. If you are in the throes of an unhealthy one, change it to something that is good for you; good for your way and the trip of your life. Then stop being a part to continue with the old addiction.
These are simple words that require a deep commitment to change if you want to make an honest change. You cannot “go ahead to get along” and imagine that things have changed.