Using the three-circle system to recover from sex addiction

The Three Circles is a tool designed by the twelve-step organization Sex Addict’s Anonymous (SAA) that is used to define sexual sobriety, set limits, and organize behaviors according to whether they are addictive, healthy, or somewhere in between. You may find this tool helpful during your own recovery from sex addiction.

Draw three circles, one around the other. When you’re done, you should have an inner circle, a middle circle, and an outer circle (it should look like a bullseye). The descriptions below will help you understand which behaviors should go in which circle and why.

The inner circle

In Inner Circle you will write down all your compulsive sexual behaviors related to your sex addiction. The behaviors that go in this circle are those that you choose to abstain from entirely. These are behaviors you have no power over, actions that lead to negative consequences, pain, and suffering. These sex addiction behaviors make you a danger to yourself and others.

You may find that your Inner Circle includes things like: exhibitionism, voyeurism, anonymous sex, prostitution, phone sex, child sexual abuse, incest, or any other type of behavior that is clearly and definitely associated with your sex addiction and that has negative consequences. consequences for yourself or others. If you are wondering which of your behaviors should appear in the Inner Circle, ask yourself the following questions: Can’t stop the behavior when you want to? Do you keep this behavior a secret? if this behavior were revealed, there would be negative consequences; Do you use the behavior to avoid emotions or responsibilities? And does your behavior lack intimacy and respect for yourself or others? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, it is likely that you are dealing with an Inner Circle behavior of your sex addiction.

The middle circle

The behaviors that belong to the Middle Circle are those that are less destructive than those of the Inner Circle, those that do not quite fall into the category of unmanageable sex addiction but do not reach the ideal level of behavior. You could think of the Middle Circle as the gray area. As you begin the initial recovery process, you can also put behaviors that you are unsure about in the Middle Circle.

The middle circle is usually made up of behaviors that will eventually cause a slip if you engage for too long or too often. As you progress in your healing, it is very likely that you will begin to understand that the behaviors that were initially placed in the Middle Circle actually belong to the Inner Circle. However, recovery from sex addiction is not an overnight process and you should tackle everything you can.

Some of the behaviors that can end up in your middle circle include: looking for prostitutes or a place to perform, acting seductively in an inappropriate situation, getting in touch with ex-sexual partners, surfing the internet late at night, hanging out with young people. children, and anything else that may cause eventual triggers or a slip in their addictive behavior.

The outer circle

In the same way that you knew with certainty that the behaviors listed in the inner circle were compulsive, rooted in sex addiction, dangerous and destructive, the behaviors listed in the outer circle are those that you know with certainty will lead to greater success in his life. recovery and should be encouraged and practiced freely. The outer circle is made up of behaviors that you choose because they enhance your life, your recovery, and your spirituality. Unlike inner circle behaviors, which serve to keep you isolated in your sex addiction, the outer circle list will help you stay committed to community and reality. These behaviors also lead to self-confidence and inner peace.

Your list of outer circle behaviors, those that benefit your recovery from sex addiction, may include working in a twelve-step program, attending group meetings, engaging in sexual activities within a committed relationship, a new hobby or sport, develop non-sexual friendships, or exercise and meditation.

It is not necessary that you have perfectly resolved your three circles. This will be an ongoing process. As you learn more about yourself and your addiction to sex, you will discover that things change and change. It is highly recommended that you work with your sponsor, or another sober sex addict, in developing your Three Circles. Remember that it is your isolated thinking and your tendency to self-deception that kept you locked in your addiction. Working only in these circles can give you a list that is too lenient or too strict. You may find that working on your sobriety with a group or sponsor will bring you the clarity that you have been missing.