Teach your child responsibility

The problem with being a parent is that there really aren’t any set “classes” that cover all of the myriad issues one can face when becoming one. This article will deal with the problems of motivating children to do their homework.

Consider the plight of the working mom, who spends 8 hours a day plus two hours of driving time, and that of the working dad, ditto. Children at home… alone, doing what they want, and NOT what they have been told to do to help. This can be the absolute worst case scenario for mom and dad…coming home to a messy house, homework not done yet, dishes in the sink…TV blaring and the kids not doing their homework . “Scolding” just doesn’t work and always leads to arguments and whining or some kind of “scene”.

I went through this scenario years ago when my young teens were first free to be home without the “babysitter.” I put up with it so long and then decided it was time to steal one of my best “motivation techniques” that I used in my classes (I was a special education teacher). In those days, it was called “conduct disorder.” Today there are labels like “attention deficit disorder” and “educationally challenged.” Anyway, I had a lot of tricks up my sleeve to get these kids to focus on their skills at school, and I thought I’d give it a try at home.

These techniques worked for me then, and with some “modernizing” ideas they will work now, in this day and age.

First of all, as a parent, you need to decide what you want your children to do as part of the household. And don’t say they don’t need to do anything. They are members of the household. Same as you. Like the other half of the marriage, the spouse…everyone in a household benefits from the things the home provides…food, shelter, warmth, etc. Cleanliness and order without yelling, yelling and tantrums keep the home running smoothly and make everyone happy.

So, make that list of what you’d like to see your kids do. Make a good sensible list: make the bed, pick up the laundry, do your own laundry, put the dirty dishes away, put away the toothbrush and toothpaste… common and normal things that irritate you when NOT done. Don’t forget to add Tasks! Then add to the list at least three tasks that need to be done as “extras” (things like cleaning the refrigerator, shaking out loose rugs, or vacuuming the living room floor).

Make a chart listing those tasks, down the side of the page, with a space for each day at the top of the page (you’ll need to review each item daily).

Next, decide what your kids like to do (listen to the ipod? play the nintendo?) and keep that in mind. Next, sit your kids down and write a contract with them, something to the effect that you won’t say ONE WORD to them about accomplishing their “chores.” They will be written on the table. In turn, lest you “scold” them, they’ll just do what’s expected and finish it by 7pm every night. There are no “privileges” until then. NO television, NO ipods, NO cell phone. (Remove them in the morning of the first day you start the new regimen.) You sign this contract and your children sign this contract. What they get out of this is no more scolding and the opportunity to keep their favorite privileges, which until now they have considered a right, rather than a privilege.

Every night at 7 pm the chart will be reviewed. If not all daily tasks have been checked, the favorite thing WILL NOT BE USED. In addition, it will be withdrawn until the next day, at 7:00 p.m. The same thing. If daily chores ARE checked, then they have their favorite things back, right then and there, for the evening. Don’t start too hard, it doesn’t have to be a perfectly made bed, for example, but it can’t be a disaster either.

This only takes a couple of days, and guess what, you’ll come home to a tidy house and homework done.

What about the “extra” items? Well, if they do three “extra” things over a one-week period, then you have two options. You can give them something extra special, or you can DO something extra special with your kids – after all, you’ll have more time to spend with them!

Remember, it is also YOUR home. And you are not a “friend”, you are a FATHER. You will be responsible for the type of home THEY will provide for their own children. Teach them well. And love them well.