I’m dying to have sex

I’m dying to have sex, he told me. I just finished my weekly AIDS and addiction class at a local treatment center. It was 11:00 in the morning and outside it was raining sideways. As we stood in the dimly lit concrete hallway, she revealed that she had been in rehab for 5 months and craved physical contact.

Over the course of two decades, part of my position as a crisis counselor was to provide HIV / AIDS prevention and education. And during my 20 years of working with the HIV community, I can only count a handful of clients who did not have a diagnosis of addiction along with HIV. And since they both have an effect on the immune system, my job was to get the word out.

So I replied, “You may die from having sex. But you don’t want to die because you have sex.” This is something we saw all too often. Many of my clients were referred to me through the local Health Department. The numbers continued to rise for people living with addiction and HIV / AIDS. When we are under the influence of drugs and alcohol, the tendency to engage in “high risk” behaviors increases. And although we have come a long way since the 1980s in terms of treatment options, we still need to be aware of our sexual practices.

I remember one afternoon, many years ago, I woke up to a call in the middle of the night. A coworker of mine in an unrelated field said he just met a woman and she revealed that she has an STD. Did you want to know if it was okay to have sex with her? Without going into details, I told him that if he had to ask, he might want to use protection.

I get it. Sex can be a powerful force. And in an age where so much is instantly available to us because of the internet, the temptation can be overwhelming for some. So I go back to “You may die from having sex. But you don’t want to die because you have sex.”

I’m not a big fan of fear motivation. But the fact remains that fear will often get our attention. All we have to do is look at politics or religion to see how successful fear can be. And as I get older, my teaching style continues to be the fact about fear. Why? I believe that if we can make people curious and not fearful, they will make well-informed decisions.

Back to the lady in the hall. I told him the facts and we talked about fear. Addicts who are HIV positive see significant disease progression. And having an active addiction eliminates treatment options. I told him that it is understandable that I long for privacy. But at 5 months clean, your focus should be on your recovery. There is a responsibility that comes with sex. Not just for you, but for the person or people with whom you relate.

Sex must be safe, consensual and free from manipulation. If so, of course, let your strange flag fly. But if it’s not safe, consensual, or manipulation-free, there could be {and in many cases} long-term problems. From health problems, emotional to, sometimes, even legal. A sexual experience can have lifelong consequences.

In the 20 years that I have worked in the HIV community, I have seen too many people die from “high risk” sexual behaviors. That is just a fact. Today, however, that shouldn’t be happening. Education is the answer. And with the Internet, you are always a Google search away from the answer. Facts about fear.

There is nothing wrong with dying to have sex. Just make sure it’s safe, consensual, and tamper-free. Because no one should have to die from having sex.