How to dialogue with your inner child
Dialogue is talking to your Inner Child, taking care of it in a non-verbal way. The word dialogue implies a back-and-forth exchange between the two of you, rather than just “talk,” which could be understood as one-way communication.
When I do it?
1) In the morning when you wake up
To see if there are any dreams your child wants to talk about
To see if there is something special that I want you to pay attention to that day
To give love and tranquility.
2) At night to check on your child and how you are doing as a parent.
You can find out if there were things you missed or appreciated.
3) Every time you have a displeasure.
That is, when you are scared, anxious, hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed. You’ll want to move on to doing an on-site check to determine the problem, decide what parenting behavior to follow, and then take loving action.
Where do I dialogue?
Privacy is important at first to write or speak out loud. You could go to the bathroom if you are at work or to the bedroom if you are at home. You can also do the dialogue in the car with the windows up.
You want to have soft furniture for your child to hit if anger arises. The pillows are good to hit.
What equipment do I need?
A doll or stuffed animal to represent the childish part of you. A journal or a stack of paper. Pencils, think. Possibly a recorder, if you want to review your session later. Also an image of ourselves as children and as adults is a help to work.
Initial dialogue methods: written and aloud
It’s important to do it out loud or on paper because at first, when you try to do it in your head, unloving patterns of judging yourself can creep in without you realizing it. Speaking out loud or writing allows us to see if we are really supporting our Inner Child.
written dialogue
1. First read the instructions for the written dialogues out loud.
2. Ask your child a question of the Adult who cares for him, the one who is really curious and really cares, who thinks he has good reasons for his feelings, even if he doesn’t know them yet.
3. Write the question with your dominant hand while looking at your doll, animal, or photo. (Example: What are you feeling right now?)
4. Take the doll or animal, turn it out and bring it closer to you. Move your attention to your body, particularly your stomach. (Your child is in your bowels.) Allow yourself to feel small.
5. From your Inner Child state, imagine your loving Adult in front of you and write the answer to the question with your non-dominant hand. This is important so that he does not feel alone in his pain.
6. Return to your Adult state, turn the doll or animal towards you and hold it as you would a child. Empathize with your child’s feelings so he knows you understand. Assure the child that you will still love him no matter what he says.
7. Ask another question. Try to explore the beliefs behind the feelings, then the past experiences behind the belief.
8. Continue to do this, alternating from Child to Loving Adult until you have a deep understanding of your Child’s feelings and the beliefs that accompany them.
9. If the Child is feeling angry, let him release it in writing or by hitting soft furniture. If he is in pain, let him cry while he holds the doll or animal.
10. When the anger or hurt subsides, tell the Child the truth about the false beliefs and decide what behavior would be loving for the Child.
dialogue out loud
You can chat out loud while driving, exercising, or walking. For some people this works better than written dialogue because they can access more feelings when they are moving.
You can determine which method works best for you. Enjoy your increased self-esteem, peace and joy!