How to be a great first date (and get a second!)

Okay, so you’ve got a date with someone hot for Saturday night and you’re terrified of screwing it up. Don’t worry; If you follow these tips, you will be fine. The bonus? None of them involve getting plastic surgery or renting a Jaguar for the night.

1. The key to being a great date is to love yourself. Nothing is more attractive than an individual who is held in high esteem. It doesn’t matter if you’re short, fat, bald, or hairy in all the wrong places. You’ve heard the maxim, “You can’t love someone until you love yourself,” and it’s true, but no one else is going to love you until you love yourself, too. Self love attracts love like a magnet.

2. Decide to be yourself and only yourself. Don’t tell me you’re not interesting enough, handsome enough, smart enough. Ask yourself: Do you want your date to like you for someone you are or someone you are not? Right. Now, be yourself and understand that your date might like you and maybe not. Either way, you will live. I promise.

3. Visualize calm confidence. For several days before your appointment, visualize yourself sitting with him or her and feeling calm, fresh, and attractive. Feel it for real! See, hear and feel yourself laughing easily. Feel smiling. Practice this while you wait to order her coffee in the company cafeteria. Do it in the Laundry. Feel it until it feels real.

4. Make a list of all the things you have going for you. A great sense of humor? Compassion? Beautiful teeth? Are you an executive in a promising company? Write down your desirable qualities and read the list several times a day. Let it sink in Knowing what makes you special will give you confidence and an inner glow on the big night.

5. Now that you know what makes you great, keep it to yourself. There’s no need to turn the quote into an infomercial: avoid mentioning that you’re considered the unofficial mayor of your town because you’re so popular. Don’t brag about how you found Texas Tess at the chili competition. Allow your date to make little discoveries about you. Trust him or her to see that you are a great match.

6. Consider your flaws as positive aspects. A healthy person will be attracted to you even though you drive a 1987 Chevette, as long as you are kind, thoughtful, and fun. If you are ten pounds overweight, there will be people who will find you sexy because they will perceive you as a bit indulgent. If you are a man who is going bald and you consider it a disadvantage, decide to turn it into an advantage. Many women see the disappearance of the hairline as a sign of virility.

7. Have reasonable expectations of the other person. What’s more disgusting than a potbellied guy who expects his girlfriend to look like Paris Hilton? Or a woman in a dead-end job who despises the guy who drives the 1987 Chevette? If you want to find someone who likes you, be sure to return the favor.

8. Don’t stereotype. All women are not desperate to get married. All men are not afraid of commitment. Purge your head of the nonsense the media has fed you about the opposite sex. Look your date in the eye and treat him like a human being, not someone to be manipulated. Treat your date as you would like him or her to treat you. You will succeed beyond your wildest dreams.

9. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview. Don’t view this person as a potential spouse. Take the pressure off. See him as an acquaintance that you would like to become a friend. That is all. Break the ice with a compliment, but avoid making too personal comments like “Wow, you look sexy in those pants.” Something non-threatening like “Nice shirt” works well because it conveys that you think your date has good taste.

10. Stay away from sex. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, first date sex is bad news. Do not even think about it! Having sex on the first date raises all kinds of weird and uncomfortable expectations. Also, you could end up with a deadly disease. Go to the sheets only after you are sure that you are both healthy and that you really like the other person. It makes sex so much better.

11. Accept the possibility of being rejected. Maybe you and your hot someone will hit it off. Maybe you won’t. When I was single, I often reminded myself that even Bruce Springsteen (the biggest and sexiest rock star of the day) faced rejection from the opposite sex at one point or another. So have Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, and all the other luminaries we’ve been trained to envy. Everyone faces rejection. All. Not only you!

After the date is over, decide if you would like to see this person again. Stop worrying about not making a good impression and ask yourself if you liked it. She reviews the evening dispassionately. Is he or she someone you would choose as a friend? Did you feel good with this person?

If not, it’s probably best to move on.

If the answer is yes, proceed accordingly.