Being loved feeds the ego, while being valued nurtures your soul
Are you excited that others love you? Perhaps it is evident in your career or in your personal relationships? How does it make you feel? Reflect on your feelings as we delve into this topic.
It cannot be denied, being loved can increase our self-esteem and self-esteem. We may feel better about it, but it is a false sense of worth manufactured by the ego to convince us of our worth. But let’s be clear, being loved is not the same as being appreciated or valued, as I will outline below.
Consider this for a moment: the ego thrives on being seen and heard; needs to be validated. Because if the ego is not validated, we become depressed, angry, or emotionally deprived. This is why people are addicted to social media like Instagram, where constant validation is common. But this is a false admiration that feeds our ego without nurturing our soul.
It must come from within the validation
Reflect on this for a moment: Being loved takes a toll on our self-esteem because we get used to seeking praise rather than giving ourselves the validation we deserve. Are you with me so far? Nod your head in agreement that you understand the difference between being loved and valued. Instagram influencers who thrive on social validation fabricate their lives to appeal to a certain audience. They are promoting a deceptive way of life that is out of reach for many people. I don’t mean to demonize them, but to highlight why validation is a double-edged sword that we can get addicted to.
To take this idea even further: there is a difference between being loved and being valued, evident in the energy we give to something that is outside of us. The energy of being loved depletes our life force because it is based on desire. We become addicted to the intoxicating emotions that feed our ego. But being loved does not improve our personal growth because we become addicted to others showing our self-esteem. We hand over our power to someone who can abuse their power against us. Nothing outside of you can validate your self-esteem. It must come from enhanced self-esteem and unshakable self-respect. These are the virtues of a healthy character and the foundations of noble virtues.
The last point I want to emphasize is this: being loved is a selfish pursuit that I liken to a one-way street; it only serves you. Rather, being valued stems from our commitment to serving others. Think of those in your community who do honorable work, helping disadvantaged groups. The value they provide is selfless and based on a dedication to serving others. You see, when we are valued for who we are and what we do, we connect with a deeper meaning and purpose for our lives. Therefore, the meaning we attribute to our actions arises from our commitment to enrich the lives of other people.
Are your relationships self-serving or self-empowering?
Are you satisfied with these ideas because it is important to understand the difference between being loved and valued? If we give importance to being loved alone, we create an imbalance in our relationships, giving power to another person. On the contrary, being valued is the foundation of our character and cannot be taken away from us. On the contrary, if someone stops needing us, our self-esteem may decrease because we have entrusted it to them instead of owing it to ourselves. Remember when you were in a relationship and your partner broke it up. Think about how you felt after the breakup. It may have taken you many months to get over them and challenge your self-esteem. This is because we are social beings and we long for meaningful connections. But we must recognize whether our relationships are self-interested or self-empowering.
Therefore, we must give greater importance to being congruent in our actions, our character and our self-esteem. In doing so, we live in harmony to uphold these values, as they are the foundation on which character is built. Character cannot be taken away from us because true character is revealed behind closed doors when no one is looking.
With this in mind, I would like you to consider three important relationships in your life. Choose an intimate partner, if you are currently in a relationship, a professional relationship and a friend. Analyze each of them to see if you are loved or valued in the relationship. If you are not sure, ask them. Do you discover what qualities they value most in you? Why do you value these qualities among others?
In the long run, we must nurture our soul because it is the basis of our true nature and indicates the value we bring to the lives of other people. If we hope to form deeper connections in our relationships, we must move from being ego-identified to being soul-centered (heart-based life). After all, being valued expands our self-esteem and enhances our true character more than the validation that comes with being loved.