anger leads to danger

Control anger, before it controls you

We all know what anger is and we’ve all felt it: either as a passing annoyance or full-blown rage.

Anger is a completely normal, generally healthy human emotion. But when it gets out of control and destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel like you’re at the mercy of a powerful and unpredictable emotion. This booklet is intended to help you understand and manage anger.

*What is anger?* *The nature of anger*

Anger is “an emotional state that ranges in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure increase, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a co-worker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding over your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or infuriating events can also trigger feelings of anger.

*expressing anger*

The instinctive and natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural and adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors that allow us to fight back and defend ourselves when attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival.

On the other hand, we cannot physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; Laws, social norms, and common sense put limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, non-aggressive way is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you must learn to make it clear what your needs are and how to meet them, without hurting others. Being assertive does not mean being aggressive or demanding; It means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This happens when you suppress your anger, stop thinking about it and focus on something positive. The goal is to inhibit or repress your anger and turn it into more constructive behavior. The danger of this type of response is that, if the external expression is not allowed, the anger can turn internal against oneself. Anger directed inward can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, instead of confronting them head on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who constantly put others down, criticize everything, and make cynical comments have not learned how to express their anger constructively. Not surprisingly, they don’t have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not only controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to slow your heart rate, calm down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger points out, “When none of these three techniques work, that’s when someone, or something, is going to get hurt.”

*Anger control*

The goal of anger management is to reduce both the emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger provokes. You can’t get rid of or avoid the things or people that make you angry, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

*Are you too angry?*

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone you are to anger, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you have an anger problem, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in a way that seems out of control and frightening, you may need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

*Why are some people more angry than others?*

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more “impulsive” than others; they get angry more easily and intensely than the average person. There are also those who do not show their anger in a flashy and spectacular way, but are chronically irritable and moody. Easily angered people don’t always swear and throw things; sometimes they become socially withdrawn, angry or physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, which simply means that they feel they shouldn’t be subject to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can’t take things easy, and they get especially infuriated if the situation seems unfair in any way: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people like this? Several things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: there is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very young age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often viewed as negative; we are taught that it is okay to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions, but not to express anger. As a result, we don’t learn how to handle or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family history plays a role. People who anger easily come from families that are conflicted, chaotic, and lack emotional communication skills.

*Is it good to “let it all hang out?”*

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that “letting it rip” with anger actually increases anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you’re angry with) resolve the situation.

It’s best to find out what triggers your anger and then develop strategies to prevent those triggers from pushing you over the edge.

*Strategies to keep anger at bay*

*Relaxation*

Simple relaxation tools like deep breathing and calming imagery can help calm angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can use them in any situation. If you’re in a relationship where both partners have bad tempers, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

– Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest will not relax you. Imagine your breath coming out of your “gut”.

– Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax”, “take it easy”. Repeat it while you breathe deeply.

– Use images; visualize a relaxing experience, either from your memory or from your imagination.

– Slow, non-strenuous exercises, similar to yoga, can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you find yourself in a tense situation.