You won’t understand: a cry for help from a depressed person
OK! So we’ve all met people who are sad all the time. Their sadness is so deep that they begin to behave normally and, in fact, they are not. Whenever you go up to them and ask them, they say they are fine and after a little conversation they try to escape and when you ask them something else they say, “You won’t understand.” We have all heard this, but what have we done for them? Did you know that it is a cry for help?
There are many of us who can relate to this. Sometimes just to end a conversation, we agree with what the other person says. Yes, we do it because we are never in the mood to argue, extend the conversation, or have more conversation. We are tired, we don’t want to talk. We have a lot going on in our mind and in our mind we are always engaged in conversation, so when real people speak to us, we don’t want to say what we feel. We do not want to share what is going through our mind. We do that because we know that they will judge us and bring up the conversation that we are already having on our mind.
It is okay to be sad for a while, however prolonged sadness can turn into depression and it is not okay. We all need that person with whom we can say what we think without being judged. Without receiving the advice that we already know. We just need someone to listen to us. We all need that friend.
I have been dealing with depression for a long time and I think the time has come when I need to break out of the cage and start talking about it. It can be anything that makes you sad. A breakup, failed marriage, bad relationship, losing someone close, failing exams, not getting the desired job, financial problems, health problems, some bad memories from the past, yes, it can be anything. Things don’t get bigger overnight, we all have something from the past that builds up. It fills the inside of the brain and one day, when you’re not even thinking about it, it explodes. It weakens you, and since you don’t want to share it with the outside world, you cry alone. Then you get into the habit of crying alone and after spending some time in it, sadness turns into depression and that depression is clear on your face. Either you gain a lot of weight or you lose, you get those ugly dark circles in your eyes, puffy red eyes or puffy eyes, you become an insomniac because those bad memories are now nightmare monsters that never let you sleep. You show it in your work by making silly mistakes that nobody expects of you, you stop talking to your friends and family, the only relationship you have is with your bed and pillow because they know that you cry all night. You start to feel bad and have a hard time getting out of bed. You stop cooking or bathing because then you will have to get out of bed. You are sacred to go out and meet people, because you don’t want to be seen this way. You start to panic over little things, you don’t take phone calls because you know you don’t want to have a real human conversation, you just smell sad and cigarettes and you feel pretty comfortable with that. You haven’t seen yourself in the mirror because that scares you. It is a common story. It is my story.
I know this is ugly, but I also know that I am not alone. There are many people who are going through the same thing as me. So, I decided to work on that. I am in contact with a friend who is a psychologist. So, you have decided to write a column on my blog that will be of great help to people who are depressed. Nobody likes dark days and we are always embarrassed to talk about ourselves. So if you are looking for help or if any of your friends are looking for help, please contact me. I am there to support people like me, of course with the help of my friend. You can ask me anything that makes you feel lighter.
I have started some changes in my lifestyle, and believe me; It is not easy to break the lifestyle that I have done for a long time. I have tried many things, my dolls can tell you the stories of sadness, and my conversations with the suicide hotlines mostly start and end with me crying and saying a few words for hours. It did not work. I have this permanent rope tied to the ceiling, so when I feel like it, I can hang myself, I keep many pills for diseases and I pop them like chocolates when I feel like it, I know that I am terrible and I also know, there are many others like me. So why not give ourselves a chance? Why not try to live before you die? Once I was in a hospital where a doctor was removing the pills from my body, because I tried to kill myself, he said, “Life comes once, we should love it.” However, it didn’t work for long, I tried to die many times after that too, but I didn’t die. So now that I’m tired of these failures, I think I should try to live now.
So this is my attempt to tell everyone that we are not alone. We must appreciate the fact that we are alive and we still have the opportunity to change this, to turn this depression into happiness. I know it won’t happen in a day. It will take time. Also, I’m not doing anything anyway other than staring at the ceiling for two hours and then the wall for an hour more, every day. So why not invest some time with me? So after finishing the blog, I’m going to take a bath, finally I’m going to shampoo my hair. Have a good tea and then go to sleep early.
So if you too are completely sad about something, or want to commit suicide, be sure to message me in the comment section or email me before you have that bout of sadness where you cry for hours. You have a friend, I am your friend. Believe me, together we can fight depression. You know, you have someone who will understand you, when you say, “You will not understand.”