Lifestyle Fashion

Starting over, but where are my friends?

Have you ever changed schools, moved home, quit one job for another, and realized that by doing so you are starting over and leaving all your friends behind? Going to college, getting divorced, moving on are often exciting times, but they can still be filled with uneasiness.

While we may have considered many factors, the impact on our groups of friends may be something that we don’t fully appreciate until much later.

Starting over can be a time of apprehension anyway; having to learn where everything is, where we are supposed to be, what we should be doing. There may be a lot to remember and doing these things can only make everything that much more difficult. Missing out on a friendly, familiar face to share coffee with and chat with can make the first few months of shyness quite uncomfortable and lonely.

Friends can be a source of comfort and security, a hug in times of discomfort. But true friends also care enough to give us a nudge when needed, encouraging us to move on and on, rather than allowing ourselves to feel sorry for ourselves for too long.

Here are some tips for when we start over and wonder “where are my friends?”

– Take care of yourself. Starting over may mean that others have already established their friendship groups. If you’re the new kid in the neighborhood, it’s important not to seem desperate to make friends. Take care of yourself. You may have had a difficult time on your way to starting over, or you may feel vulnerable about leaving home for the first time. The thought of making an effort to get up, get dressed, and show up can be overwhelming.

– Start by being kind to yourself and commit to eating healthy, sleeping regularly, and getting plenty of fresh air. There are times when you’ve been the new guy before, so remember that things tend to work out in the end.

– It may be a good first step is entering to live in a shared house while you find your feet. Other occupants may be in a position similar to yours, so you can support each other. Sharing a home can offer a bit of security – there is often someone to talk to, as well as being available for friendship. Or moving in with family or friends can ease financial pressure and provide a temporary cushion.

– Some situations are already conducive to meeting new friends.. Shared housing, work, special interest groups, and parents’ associations can offer convenient ways to meet and connect. But for others who have no friends and start over, it takes the effort to be proactive and identify the places their soulmates can go. Joining a gym, a dance class, using public transportation, even walking the dog at regular times, often means running into the same people on a regular basis. A friendly smile or a gesture of recognition can gradually turn into a comfortable conversation and possible friendship.

– Keep in contact with your old circle of friends via social media, the web, app groups, and regular calls. Even if those moments make you nostalgic or a bit annoying, keep up the contact and find ways to stay interested in the lives of others. Maybe schedule a regular call for a proper chat so you can settle down with a drink and stay in close contact, especially in the beginning.

– Make invitations. Take it easy, push yourself, and start by suggesting coffee and a chat. If money is a factor, you can invite them to yours for dinner, an evening of pampering, or a game night. Don’t take rejection personally and instead, meet new people, learn about them and their lives.

– Get acquainted gradually with what is happening locally. If you hear something attractive or of general interest, why not tentatively suggest an outlet to one of the members of your new circle? It is a good way to meet people.

– Accept invitations. Don’t prejudge what you will like or how you will feel about “everyone else.” Go ahead, relax and be nice for a few hours in his company doing something different. You can choose not to repeat the experience ever again, but you’ve still made some new contacts.

– Ask for help. It can be tempting to slip into a ‘not wanting to be a bother or a burden’ mentality, but asking for help can build bridges to new relationships. Staying private and keeping your insecurities quiet to yourself can be misinterpreted as coping, unwilling to share with others, or even unfriendly. Keep your own advice, but also be prepared to connect and let others in.

Starting over can be challenging, but relaxing, being kind, and caring is often enough to ensure that in no time you’ll have established many new friends to enjoy.

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