Sobriety can cause a divorce

What did you just write? Are you serious? You must be desperate to write an article, because you may have nothing to contribute at the moment. Someone should fill your brain and break your laptop.

I’m serious about all this. And I am a recovering alcoholic. I just want to inform my readers that it is not my intention to be overly enthusiastic on the subject of alcoholism. I realize that I am entering a slippery slope on unstable terrain. But I am very familiar with the slippery slope and unstable ground. Please undress with me.

Recovering from alcoholism is not an easy achievement. Not only does it take time, it also takes courage and patience. Courageously means being true to yourself. With patience, it means that sobriety doesn’t come overnight. Some alcoholics who are in denial need intervention. That is rude. I never needed an intervention when I decided to quit smoking. I could have used it in my early stages of alcoholism. Back then it wasn’t the trend.

I can clearly see how recovery from this powerful and disabling illness can cause relationships to break down or lead to divorces. But again, if an alcoholic continues to drink, it may very well end a marriage or relationship. It is a two way road. And the curves and bumps are sometimes unforgiving.

There are many factors to consider in the success of your recovery. Being in a relationship where both people are drinking heavily and abusing alcohol can be a devastating experience, and the habit would be difficult to break. If only one seeks help, the other will feel betrayed, angry, and jealous. Recovery can be extremely difficult to achieve when alcohol played such an important role in their lives. Successfully recovering from alcoholism can result in the breakdown of a relationship or marriage. One must make this final decision in order to move on with their lives.

The worst that could happen is looking for a relationship while you recover. Alcohol counseling discourages this idea. One is so vulnerable during this period. Your main focus should be working on your sobriety and sticking to the program that you are on.

Then there are the relationships and marriages that suffer when there is an addicted person and their partner drinks lightly on special occasions or never drinks at all. This can be easier to swallow than being codependent. In this case, one person may be there to understand and support the other’s addicted personality by attending Al-Anon or AA meetings.

In any case, patience is a virtue. Separating or seeking a divorce may be the only decision to make, if the intervention does not work. Walking on eggshells is no way to live. One person can help the other to some extent. The alcoholic must take the first step and do it for himself, not for someone else.

In my case, my wife, Bobbie, knew what she was getting into before we got married. My alcoholic friends were there to always remind him. As if my so-called friends walked a pristine path.

My wife believed that you committed the crime, you make the time. She never participated in Al-Anon or AA meetings with me. Once again I repeat, she said: “You do the crime, you do the time.” He despised people who drink and drive. She insisted that she would not be punished for something I did. This meant that he would not attend Al-Anon or AA meetings with or without me.

He was known for being arrested for DUI. He had eleven convictions. Nine of them were on my broken plate when we got married. Everything was in the past, I thought. After two years of marriage, I was arrested and convicted only once in our marriage of nine and a half years. I say “just once” because it was a record of not having been arrested and convicted of DUI for almost eleven years. My 11th DUI occurred two years after my wife died of cancer.

We had a very happy marriage. We never separated or divorced. The first three years were a testing ground. My drinking was largely under control during our marriage. Since she disapproved of my drunken behavior, it sort of worked, because I always wanted her to be proud of me for not drinking. She had other ways of being understanding and loving, rather than attending Al-Anon or AA meetings. She rewarded me with kindness in many other ways, like being proud of me and telling me. And I admired her for not drinking or being an alcoholic. She really planted the seed of sobriety in me.

After my wife died in 2001, my depression and illness hit rock bottom. I didn’t care how advanced my dependence on alcohol became or how bad my physical and mental health became.

Two years later I met a woman with whom I thought I fell in love. Seven months later I was arrested for DUI # 11. After all was said and done, I paid almost $ 10K for a night of heavy drinking and driving.

I knew I had to do something about “my problem.” But it was two more months of heavy drinking before my higher power convinced me and armed me with the weapons of mass destruction I needed to fight my illness. I appreciate God For that. I got sober on July 4, 2003. It became another reason to celebrate Independence Day: my independence from alcohol. And it became my other birthday, sobriety. I witnessed a miracle before my eyes.

Two months after I was sober, my new house was finished for me to move in. I convinced my girlfriend to move in with me and start my new life. Things went well for the first three months. Then I started to feel like I was going to fall off the wagon.

I felt like our relationship had taken its toll. My sobriety was being challenged to the max. After being sober for a few months, I began to think that I had nothing in common with this woman I was living with. I did not feel anything. Our relationship became empty.

Sobriety had opened my eyes. I didn’t like what I saw. I felt that if I maintained this relationship, it would explode and my sobriety would be at risk. It was not because this woman drank, she drank very little. It was what she represented or lacked. He did not respect her. I thought your daughter was giving you drugs. A daughter to whom I gave a loan of $ 4,000.00 because I felt sorry for her. She never tried to pay the debt. She never intended to pay it. I started to believe that he was buying drugs with the money I loaned him. I felt betrayed.

I finally had to ask my girlfriend to leave. She was a threat to my sobriety. It was the best choice I made in my life. I changed so drastically when I got sober. I guess the people I interacted with thought I became boring or a brat. Well, I thought the same of them.

I would like to thank my readers and recovering alcoholics for sharing this story with them. Some may realize what to expect in recovery: being an alcoholic or a drug addict. Sobriety will be a challenge, but a worthwhile adventure for your soul and well-being. It has made me relax more and like myself despite all my flaws or mistakes that I made in the past.

To achieve sobriety you have to make big decisions. Some can be very difficult, like breaking up a relationship or marriage to save your own soul. This is a very personal decision that I would not like to make for others. Just be careful: sobriety can lead to a divorce.