My boyfriend wants space, should I give it to him?
Of all the things your boyfriend may say during the course of your relationship, “I need some space” is the most confusing. Your stomach sinks. Suddenly you feel nauseous. A thousand things go through your mind and none of them are good.
Did I do something wrong? Will you break up with me?
Did you find someone else?
Thoughts like these spin in your head, gaining speed and momentum until everything is out of control. You cannot think clearly in a situation like this. Especially since you don’t know exactly what your boyfriend wants, or why he said what he did.
Having your boyfriend want space is never a good thing. The brutal truth is that yes, he could be thinking about ending the relationship. You are in a place where you are not 100% satisfied with the way things are right now.
Now note: I didn’t say I wasn’t happy. Your boyfriend might still be happy and ask for space, and this situation can be even more disastrous. Why if your relationship is going well and there were no warning signs of any kind? Chances are your boyfriend is trying to use the “space” theme as an excuse to chase or even date another girl.
The good thing about him wanting space
Okay, so you want space. It’s not all bad news, and here’s why:
If your boyfriend wants to end the relationship, all he has to do is break up with you. You’d hear things like “this isn’t working” or “we’re not compatible” or the always amazing “it’s not you, it’s me.” These things are phrases to end a relationship, which means that your boyfriend seeks to be single at the end of the conversation.
But your boy said he needed space. Or ‘room to breathe’. Or ‘time to think’. Maybe he said ‘we are moving too fast’. Each and every one of those sayings is a type code for this:
“Go away for a while, but please don’t go too far … in case I decide that I love you again.”
This is a double edged sword. It’s bad because your boyfriend is trying to convince you to accept a trial breakup. He wants the freedom to play the field and see other people, but he wants the safety and comfort of knowing that you will still be waiting for him.
In other words, he’s being a selfish jerk.
However, the good news is that your boyfriend doesn’t want to completely lose you. By playing the ‘space’ card, you are trying to put it in a waiting pattern. STILL wants to see you (although maybe not right away). STILL wants you to be available to talk, text, or even meet. Most of all, your boyfriend wants you in his field of vision. He wants to be able to see you, and everything you are doing, so he can have the confidence that these Do not use this trial separation as a vehicle to go out with other guys and possibly end up leaving you for someone else.
The downside of giving your boyfriend space
Okay, so you know he still has feelings for you. That is good. But there are many negatives to agreeing to give your boyfriend space when he asks for it, and you need to understand what they are.
First of all, giving him space is like giving him a license to sleep with other people. Even if they got back together after such an event, her boyfriend would always say that infidelity didn’t mean anything because “they weren’t really together.” You know that’s false, and of course he knows it too. But sadly, this is what it will do.
The other thing about accepting your ‘I need room to breathe’ excuse is that the balance of power shifts 100% in your favor. Suddenly, you have no control over anything, because you are giving it space. You get to be in the driver’s seat, because you decide when (and if) the ‘I need space’ thing ends.
During this temporary break, your guy will keep a strict eye on you. He wants you on a leash. And because he’s the one who claimed to have needed space, the worst part is that their relationship now turns one-sided. If he calls you, he’s just cool and talkative. But if you call him? Suddenly you are suffocating him. He may act irritated with you, because you are not giving him “his space”, which makes you feel that, in some way, you are the culprit.
What should I do if my boyfriend wants space?
Well, to the good. This is what you do, and what you say to him, when your boyfriend pulls the ‘leave me alone for a while’ card:
First of all, you must stay strong. The second worst thing you can do is cry or get angry, and the worse What you can do is beg or beg him not to. Breaking down emotionally that way, you better give him all control. From there, whatever happens in your relationship is his decision, not yours.
Second, you CANNOT agree to their terms. Do you want space? Too. You don’t “make” space. Either he goes out with you or not, those are his decisions, because you respect the relationship too much, and you respect YOURSELF too much, to relax and wait for someone who may or may not return.
When your boyfriend tells you that he wants to spend some time apart to think about things (or whatever he says), you say this:
“” Yes, sorry, no. I don’t do the whole “give me space” thing. If you really feel that way, let’s break up. Obviously, you have some problems and I won’t be in limbo while you solve them. “
This is how you go from a bad situation to a better one. Either your ex will start to withdraw, withdrawing the whole idea, or they will cheat on you about the breakup. If it does the latter, you must stand your ground. You have to be able to walk away from the conversation, leave him completely alone, and disconnect for a while. Don’t answer his phone, don’t go online to check emails or Facebook … let him understand that his plan just failed. Let him realize that if he really wants to continue this “I think we need a break” nonsense, he will real chance of losing you forever.