Maternity: The World’s Most Important Job!

Working and raising children are difficult tasks that become even more difficult when we do it alone. I have been there, I have been raising my four children as a single father for 5 years. Today, they are all adults, married, and have made me a grandfather to four! Believe it or not, I miss those days. I tried to make the most of them. Here are some tips that I thought might benefit those women who are juggling parenting and work responsibilities. Very often, we are sabotaging our own lives and simply making life more difficult to handle. Pass it on to any of the women you know who may be struggling.

DATED

Many years ago, I overheard a beautiful, statuesque, blonde mother of two explain that she had decided not to date until the boys graduated from high school. She said she didn’t want to take away their opinion … emotionally, physically, spiritually or financially. Wise woman! So much devotion and commitment! I tried going out once when I had my four children at home, but decided to quit. The guilt of not being there when the kids needed my help, the worry that they might need my experience in dispute mediation, the worry about everything from bathrooms to lunches to clean clothes … it was all just too much. Therefore, unless you save all your relational activities for the weekends when your spouse has the kids, or for those times when the kids will be properly cared for, I advise against it.

When it comes to overnight guests, not only do I advise against it from a ministerial point of view, it is a sin and ruins your reputation (let’s be “blessed”), but it can be quite traumatizing, confusing, and even dangerous for guests. children when inviting “overnight guests.” I heard of children who had grown attached to certain men, only for Mom to break up with them, leaving an emotional scar. Of course, there are those cases where male bedmates became abusive to a lonely mother and her children, emotionally, verbally, or sexually. Girls, if he loves you, he will respect your need to raise those children and will be available as a model and companion for now. But you can go home later so you can rest and work tomorrow. By the way, if you have your own kids, how are you interacting with THEM? It’s a good way to evaluate how he will REALLY fare with yours.

My advice? There will be plenty of time to go out with someone later. Your children are a gift THROUGH you to the world. Are you committed to doing everything you can to make sure they are the best and most productive citizens that they can be? If possible, make sure your boys DO experience positive male role models. I know of a young man whose wise mother made sure that her son spent a lot of time on his grandfather’s farm as a child because he realized that his former spouse, an alcoholic living in a motel, was a negative role model. That young man is now climbing the ladder of success these days by attending college with a stellar reputation. A great kid!

PREPARATION IS CRITICAL

I used to cook every Thursday night, my best day. I planned a 7 day menu and the kids and I did one night. From opening cans to peeling carrots, rolling dough, and cleaning the kitchen afterward, we made a memory that my kids still talk fond of to this day. After everything was cooked, it was frozen or refrigerated. If I ever worked late, my kids knew how to microwave and I was certainly grateful for NOT having to cook. Today my two daughters are excellent cooks and the youngest is studying culinary school.

On one occasion when my children and I were leaving the house, an elderly neighbor came out to congratulate me on how my children always looked, especially my two daughters with hair bows, matching socks and clean dresses. They never had any self-esteem problems; their things weren’t the best, but they took care of themselves and showed themselves.

I used to take the children to do the laundry and they would help me. We played the Matching Game when it came to socks and when it came time to put the clothes in their drawers, we played “Pizza Delivery” with each child running their “pizzas” (piles of clothes) to their drawers.

Always strive for quality time.

MAKE YOUR NEEDS KNOWN

Need help? Ask! Whether it’s family members, neighbors, or church members, people will help you if you just ask. The Scriptures say, “You don’t have because you don’t ask; ask that your joy be full.”

By the way, an excellent Christian woman I know lived in an apartment complex full of children. The complex was full of single mothers who knew and trusted her. Because many women were entertaining prospective husbands and wanted to be left alone or preferred to go out on dates, she took the opportunity to have Bible Studies and movie nights where she showed the children Christian videos and ate snacks. Talk about growing where it’s planted! Smart! Who knows what kind of difference she made in the lives of those children?

MONITOR YOUR TICKET

I had a list of rules in the fridge. If the kids wanted to get angry because it was time to turn off the television, their anger was directed at the rules, not at me. There is no television until homework is completed. No guests or phone either. Set priorities! What are you watching? What are they listening to? Is your favorite music degrading to women or laden with obscenity? Trash in, trash out, folks. Take a look at the people who are attracted to your children, especially as they grow older. Similar personalities attract each other. We usually date those of whom we feel worthy. If what you see doesn’t impress you, you may need professional intervention before it’s too late.

Also monitor the uses of your computer. Set up those parental controls! As long as they live under your roof, you have every right to inspect cabinets, drawers, and pockets. A man I knew found a marijuana joint in his son’s pen. They are creative! Scripture says: “The wicked flee without being pursued.” Have a discipline plan and don’t allow it to include yelling and hitting. There must be consequences that matter, but there must also be a plan for intervention when drug, alcohol, or pornography addictions are involved.

DEFEAT THOSE BAD HABITS

Smoking won’t send anyone to hell … although it can make you smell like you’re there! Certainly, we are all aware that smoking can make you sick and even kill you, leaving children without a mother. It also costs a lot of money and can drain your funds, depriving children of necessities and gifts. Also, too many mothers try to “calm down” with alcohol and drugs. Again, not only hurting the children, but also themselves, while also inviting undesirable people into their lives in the process. Worst of all is the example that is being set. Many of these cycles NEED to be broken if the potential quality of their lives is to be improved.

The Bible says that the devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. Interestingly, television kills our motivation, steals our quality time, and destroys family relationships. If we watch television from 6:00 to 10:00 at night (4 hours) and we do it only from Monday to Friday (5 nights), it is 20 hours a week watching television. Considering that the average father talks to his children less than a minute a week (deep and meaningful things like “wake up,” “get out,” “eat that,” “you’re going to be late”), we can surely give our children a little more of our time and attention every day, isn’t it?

CREATING GOOD HABITS

In the same way that we can adopt NEGATIVE habits, we are all one decision away from starting with GOOD habits. Taking the kids to Sunday school, reading to them, setting up family nights, movie nights, game nights, exercise regimens, walks in the parks, playing on the playground, homework periods before the TV turns on. .. children thrive on structure, habits, and tradition. We become who we surround ourselves with, so we do our best to get your children close to positive people and mind-building activities like trips to museums, the zoo, and library expeditions. My daughters and I attended the Nutcracker ballet (matinees are cheaper) annually for years and going to the park was a favorite. They came to love the library and even Barnes and Nobles.

Take care of your language. Let them see you and hear you pray. They are watching you closely! Someone out there WANTS to take them under their wing … a gang member, a drug addict, a sex offender, a seductive person. We as parents must do everything we can to create and maintain the most positive environment in which they can thrive. Although we hope for the best, prepare them for the worst. Does your family have a secret keyword? Do you practice what to do if a stranger ever grabs them in a store? Do you know that it is acceptable to grab a man’s genitals, open his eyes, and hit him on the nose repeatedly while screaming loudly? Do you understand that no one ever touches your private parts?

Talk to them about real life.

THE BEST ADVICE EVER!

A child sees his parents as his Provider and Sustainer. They see us as their god! You are his universe. What an opportunity to introduce that child to the TRUE God, the one who truly provides, protects and sustains Jesus Christ. Let him be the Lord of your home. He wants to be “husband of the orphans” and “father of the orphans.” He wants to be a REAL person in YOUR life, as he is in mine. From scripture plates to frequently opened pictures and Bibles, it is never too late for your children to know who is the boss in their home and the ruler of their lives … Jesus!

He is, isn’t he?