Is it fatal attraction? 5 warning signs
Some of us get into relationships where we’re destroying each other because we ignore the early warning signs that the person we’re attracted to is an emotional train wreck or ticking time bomb.
Too often we get carried away by physical, mental, or sexual attraction only to end up heartbroken, angry, bitter, vindictive, or caught up in an emotional roller coaster.
These five warning signs will help you know early on if he/she is an emotional train wreck or a ticking time bomb:
1. Has shallow emotions: is quick to share too much early in the relationship or says “I love you” or wants to marry or commit to you. Usually, in less than a few weeks of dating you will hear that you are the love of his life, that he wants to be with you forever, and that he wants to marry you. You’ll be showered with instant attraction, endearing names, and overwhelmed with attention and promise. Remember the old saying “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is (too good to be true).” Quick heating is always a sign of surface emotions which then cause him to part with you as quickly as he committed.
2. Can’t handle emotions: Easily overwhelmed emotionally and holds grudges, holds on to bitterness, can’t handle frustration, criticism, or rejection. On first dates you will frequently hear stories of what others do to you or did to you and how “evil” the world is, etc. But these stories quickly turn into what you are doing or not doing that is hurting him emotionally. The relationship becomes one of blaming, accusing, arguing, explaining, defending, trying to convince him to feel differently about this or that, etc. You feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells
3. Shows no emotion: is not emotionally involved, is not emotionally expressive (for example, finds it hard to get excited about things), and does not sympathize with other people’s pain. Put coldly, he/she is emotionally soft and cold. From the first date, he will play with your emotions: he is late, he promises to call you but he doesn’t, he agrees to meet and “forgets” to call you to cancel, he “forgets” things that are important to you, etc. Most of the time you feel unsure where she stands with respect to her feelings for you. He/she, when confronted, may admit that he/she doesn’t really have any feelings towards you, and does so very coldly.
4. Prone to emotional outbursts (short fuse)- Explodes easily – yells or is rude to a waiter/waitress, customer service people, other drivers and even perfect strangers or does dangerous things, like driving too fast because he/she is angry, breaks/throws things, gets into fights, threatens others, etc. He/she is clearly letting her know that he/she has that skill and ability, and that it could come her way. There will come a time when he/she will have no one to vent her temper to and you will be the obvious and easy target. And it’s not just men. Women may not necessarily be physical with their temperaments, but every sentence she says and the many lies she can make up are just as hurtful.
5. Uses emotions to manipulate – Creates situations where you become the center of attention – Everything is exaggerated and distorted into dramatic proportions. This playing the victim as being persecuted by others (“I am a very misunderstood person”); feigning or exaggerating illness or causing or inviting injury (for example, showing up with bruises and cuts and expecting you to feel bad for him/her and even take care of the injury), etc. You find yourself spending all your time trying to make him/her feel good about themselves. The more attention you give him, the more schemes he comes up with. It’s like trying to fill a bottomless pit!
Take a few words of wisdom from someone who’s been there: If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it.
If you are emotionally healthy yourself, your emotions are your sources of energy for making good decisions, effectively reading and managing other people’s feelings, optimizing your ability to have healthy relationships, enjoy work, and enjoy life.